Labeling and Freedom

My Dear Ones,
I am not at all sure how to begin this blog, being that I have never really done so before now,althought I have started more than once to do so. Sometimes I find writing down my thoughts and the events that happen to me to be so deeply within my soul that I find it hard to put it all down into words. It is said that writing things down can relieve pain,but I wonder. The last time I really allowed myself to "let go" of my pain and sorrows was when I was taking a class on Death and Dying,but I had a teacher that I trusted and he was the only crittic and reader of that diary that I kept for a semester. I have tried since then to do so, but everytime I have done so,some anicent pain made my mind and soul feel like I should not keep on going.
It is not easy for someone like me to really put myself down on paper even if it is a blog
because I feel things so much and not everyone is tolerant or understanding. Back in the 1980's when I was having a lot of family problems, my mother found my diary and got very mad at me for having it. She was very hurt that I kept a written record about my feelings and the things we werre all going through at the time, and I felt so bad that it took me years before I could even
get personal again---even writing letters to friends and relatives became a very hard thing to do.
Anyone that knows me well knows I would rather call than write because it is less
of a emotional problem for me...Yet I have to break through this dam I have because it does affect my ability to write as I want to. I write only a little bit then I freeze up because I become scared that I may say or do the wrong thing that will hurt or anger someone else that I am fond of or love,so I abandon things before I really let myself be known if you know what I mean.
About six or seven years ago, I had a severe eipsode of Major Depression that I tried to fight
off by writing a story,it turned out to be a great story but written all by my printed hand,
which I put into notebooks and there they remain...Why? Because of my fear of being rejected,
my fear that those that claim to love me suddenly will not, that no one but I will be reading these lines. Fear can be very much a scroll of agony for someone like me.
It is not fear that can not make me decide wether I am straight, lesiban or asexual, but it is fear of not being understood or not being welcomed,that makes me shy away from such a labels.
Gads, I hate labels! I was labelled as a Orphan and then a Adopted kid when I was too young to understand, Then when I was 17 months old, it was learned that I have Cerebral Palsy,thus a
another label attachted to me. Labels have been upon my me ever since and I hate it.
Perhaps that is why I hate labels too that people put on each other and themselves, because by putting a label on one is like branding one with a scarlet letter or something.
Why can't people just enjoy each other without having a label ? When was it that people started
putting labels on each other in the first place? Was it around the same time that they decicded that we all had to fit in certain boxes and stereotypes?
I wish someone could tell me.
Yours,
Heidi